Owned

i asked Z to spell out His expectations for me. i desperately want to avoid disappointing Him again. i am not allowed to get off without permission. (He said that my orgasm would make a nice Christmas present to both of us, but that He might want it to be an early one.) Once a day i am supposed to masturbate, and then tell Him about it. This makes it impossible to ignore how horny i am. i love it, tho. Yesterday i was having trouble being by myself with the aftermath of the night described in my last post. Every time i shifted, i'd feel myself rub against the inside of my jeans, and know that there was nothing i could do to satisfy myself, and it made me feel close to Him. When we talked last night, i told Him that i only want to get off when ordered to, that while it's a given that He's in control, i want it to be direct control. i don't want to be given any gray area where i've got the power to make a decision, even if it's only one of timing. (For example, being allowed to get off today, or in the shower.) i was pretty surprised that i'd told Him that, really. It shows that i completely lack a filter right now, because i expect there will be a lot of frustration that stems from the request.

i love that He owns me. i love that His control over me is so complete. i am a very happy sub.